Tag Archives: #MattersOfTheHeart

We’re over 

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​”According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
So… when I met you I thought I’ve found my half and that the search was over,

But then again I lied.
You made me step on my pride, lock away my fears, drown my insecurities and swallow my doubts. 

You made me feel.
You made me embrace love, welcome happiness and you made me believe that all the world’s “two-minutes” adrenalines were meant to last me a lifetime.

That they were mine to own.
With a smile that’s perfect next to mine, eyes matching mine and hands that fit perfectly in mine,  you made me fall deeper in love with you.

You made me imagine fantasy and Foreverlands.

You made me dream beyond the skies.
…but now all that is gone. Our Asthmatic Relationship has reached its “End-By-Date” and I’m afraid this my Final Note.

A final letter of demand, from my heart to yours.

Demanding the release of my love for you, the love I thought you could devote yourself to nurturing for as long as we both shall live.

But you failed.
You failed to keep us alive.
You brought our love to its knees with your secrets and surprises, even when you knew our relationship was ASTHMATIC your selfishness made you choose to shock it to death with all the skeletons in your closet. 
I loved you with everything I’m made of, I think I still do but now there are too many skeletons in you closet.

I can’t carry us any more.
We’re over.

She blessed a BLESSER with her innocence…

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​At age 25 she lost the most private part of herself. A part of her she held on to for the past 25 years.

When an elderly asshole covered in a fashionable zest of sugar-daddy tendencies made breathing in her direction his new pet-project, she allowed her guard to drop!
When he promised her a world he only read about in The Business Times, she was sold.

What I don’t understand is how this no good bastard of a father, got her to give herself up for his rusty bronze-plated “truth”.
I don’t understand how a girl as smart as she is would feel the need to be blessed with lies, impossible forevers and unobtainable worlds.
Earning this man the ever-so-preached BLESSER status.

She was always too good for these boys. They couldn’t even lay a finger on her, but tonight a beast has been clawing her thighs.
Spreading them apart as if it would be a crime for them to ever touch each other.

He wanted to show her “HEAVEN”, a place he swears was built for her.
With white linen and sheets that resembles the clouds, towels and pillows for angels.
…and long heavily carpeted discreet passages that resembles passageways that lead you to apparent paradises of fantasised forevers.
It was a hotel, a “Five Star Hotel” one of the best to him, but one of the rest to me. They’re all the same to me, dungeons of sin and secrets big enough to break families apart.

She was never ready for the decisions she made when money and her heart’s weakness had blinded her importance and urgency to protect herself from the vultures of our world.
In the midst of his promises, she lost herself.

To his cruelty and greed, she lost her ever-so-praised self respect. The night she allowed him to stick his filthy oversized-ego inside of her innocence, she lost herself.
She lost her VIRGINITY, and her dignity was burnt beyond recognition.

Cheating bastards and their insecurities!

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​I said I believe that we all cheat and that our insecurities come from the way we cheat and all the cheating bastards wanted to bite my head off about it.

…and now I want to say I lied.

I don’t believe we all cheat, in actual fact I know that bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat.
For instance if he was to cheat on social networks, he’ll always have an issue with you being on social networks all the time without saying a word to him, because he expects you to do what he does 
…and now we have to raise the “burning” question and ask him what he does all the time on social networks without saying a word to you, who is he chatting to?!

I mean if you have an issue with my phone always being in my bag every time I’m with you, chances are… you normally keep yours out of reach just in case your skeletons decide to creep out and scare the shit out of our relationship.
I still say, insecurities come from the way people cheat. Every single issue your partner has about something that doesn’t mean any harm to the relationship it is because that’s they way the person is cheating on you.
If he hates the fact that you answer your phone outside, he has people who keep calling him that he doesn’t want you to know about.
If he accuses you of staying up on social networks in the early hours of the morning without saying anything to him, he has other people he’s entertaining hence the fact that he accuses you of doing it. How does he see that you’re up if he’s not?

If he hates the idea of you going out with your friends, it means that every time he goes out with his, he always gets someone to replace you for the night. 

If he doesn’t like the idea of you having male friends, he has side chicks posing as female friends.  

If he hates how you smile at other guys, his smile to other chicks is more than just a smile.

If he questions your exhaustion every time he wants to get laid, he’s probably having sex with other women.

Men will have a problem with a pattern you have set for “screen lock”, while his phone has a million security codes like it’s some important high-security private lab. 
He’ll have a problem with being saved as “Prince Charming”, while he has simply saved you by your name and surname.

He’ll have a problem with you not answering your phone, while you call him about a thousand times with no prevail.

…and now you have to sit down with yourself and really ask yourself what his problem is with everything you do and you’ll finally notice that…

All these bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat!

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

An asthmatic relationship

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It was another “short-breathed” relationship,
Or should I say an asthmatic relationship?

A relationship that was never really tailored for much excitement and an excessive expression of emotional experiences really.

It was a boring relationship.

A relationship of perfectionism and planning.
“Routines and traditions” is what their activities were inspired by.

They became blinded by their mentals of may, might and maybe.
…and now their blindness had allowed them to fall victim to fear and allow their fear of something going wrong feast heavily on their hunger to explore  and somehow ‘live a little’.

The lifespan of their chronic relationship was unknown. It was somewhat critical, I mean it could get attacked at anytime and die out.

Its tomorrow wasn’t promised, so was its next time, so their dreams only existed in the moment…
…and their hope was fuelled by a short vision of a future they didn’t  even believe in.

Our relationship was naturally toxic and any form of spark would have been the death of us.

 

Find your hidden heart!

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Don’t you dare tell me that you love me now, because I kind of feel like it doesn’t really matter now.

See…when I longed for your love it was nowhere to be found.

You chose to play a game of “hide and seek”. You hid your heart and made my poor soul seek it.

I’m tired of seeking your “faded out” love and I swear once I turn my back on the idea of ever finding it, the only way forward is teaching myself how to forget about ever being in love with you and learning how to fall in love with a deserving heart.

I’m sick and tired of the long scruffy journey I’ve walked in search of your hidden heart.

I’ve nursed myself way too much and I’m about to become iskhorokhoro.
With all the bruises I got from thorns of your cold heart,
Scars I got from dried out branches of your heartlessness,
Scratches I got from your “bob-draaded” selfishness,
…and wounds I got from stepping on pieces of your shattered-broken mirrored hate.

I’m done, ngiyas’thula les’gqoko. I will not allow you to do as you please with my feelings.

Game’s up, you better find your heart because my soul’s seeking days are over.

Another “final” note!

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I’ve always wanted to be the best daughter ever. Trying so hard to correct the mistakes of those who came before me.

…but now I’ve failed. I decided to put my happiness first and in the process I’m about to bring sadness to people who once decided to take a leap of Faith and put their trust in me.

In their eyes I’m a daughter, an angel but to the truth and myself. I’m a monster and I believe I was created for nothing else but to self destruct.

I’ve reached my peak and I’m about to self destruct.
I’m about to chop myself into a million pieces just to remind myself what real pain feels like.

I’m about to shut down the entire system of my existence and call it “Operation Deuses”.

I’m done.

Look…

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Look…
If only plagiarism didn’t exist, I’d take all his words and make them mine.
Rewrite everything his hand has ever scribbled upon my soul.

I’d take music and turn it into a modern love letter. Embedding my feelings in your mind and engraving my love on your heart.

If only plagiarism didn’t exist, I’d borrow myself his thoughts, bedazzl them with my ideas and bring you to your knees.

Have you feel the world move around you. Have you thinking that it’s you and I against the world.

If plagiarism didn’t exist, I’d study his words to make them mine. I’d scribble onto sticky-notes my ideas, confessing my love for you.

I’d turn feelings into thoughts, emotions into ideas and mentals into heartbeats.

…but now plagiarism exists and using people’s sweat is a recorded crime so I’ll just look at you and hope that my eyes say it all when my smile fails to convince you.

Um’shelo so tough.