Tag Archives: #heartbreak

Cheating bastards and their insecurities!

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​I said I believe that we all cheat and that our insecurities come from the way we cheat and all the cheating bastards wanted to bite my head off about it.

…and now I want to say I lied.

I don’t believe we all cheat, in actual fact I know that bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat.
For instance if he was to cheat on social networks, he’ll always have an issue with you being on social networks all the time without saying a word to him, because he expects you to do what he does 
…and now we have to raise the “burning” question and ask him what he does all the time on social networks without saying a word to you, who is he chatting to?!

I mean if you have an issue with my phone always being in my bag every time I’m with you, chances are… you normally keep yours out of reach just in case your skeletons decide to creep out and scare the shit out of our relationship.
I still say, insecurities come from the way people cheat. Every single issue your partner has about something that doesn’t mean any harm to the relationship it is because that’s they way the person is cheating on you.
If he hates the fact that you answer your phone outside, he has people who keep calling him that he doesn’t want you to know about.
If he accuses you of staying up on social networks in the early hours of the morning without saying anything to him, he has other people he’s entertaining hence the fact that he accuses you of doing it. How does he see that you’re up if he’s not?

If he hates the idea of you going out with your friends, it means that every time he goes out with his, he always gets someone to replace you for the night. 

If he doesn’t like the idea of you having male friends, he has side chicks posing as female friends.  

If he hates how you smile at other guys, his smile to other chicks is more than just a smile.

If he questions your exhaustion every time he wants to get laid, he’s probably having sex with other women.

Men will have a problem with a pattern you have set for “screen lock”, while his phone has a million security codes like it’s some important high-security private lab. 
He’ll have a problem with being saved as “Prince Charming”, while he has simply saved you by your name and surname.

He’ll have a problem with you not answering your phone, while you call him about a thousand times with no prevail.

…and now you have to sit down with yourself and really ask yourself what his problem is with everything you do and you’ll finally notice that…

All these bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat!

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

He loves me, he loves me not…

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“He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not…”

I mean what are the odds?
 See… all the scenarios I’ve made up in my head are not painful enough and he keeps eliminating and ruling them out like a game of chess.

To me it ain’t fair because I really need to be a lady about the whole situation, I want to cry about it for hours until my eyes are all bloated and I’m just unattractive to him.

Pure madness?  I know.

…but now his perfect-sweet self keeps on removing bricks from my sadness wall, one by one while I on the other side keeps stacking them back up one by one.

Reality says he loves me not but my mind keeps saying he loves me.

Broken virgin-heart…

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Has my “virgin heart” really turned into stone? Is it really that hard and cold?

…because I’ve been looking for forgiveness and I just can’t find it.
All the beauty it once possessed has disappeared and darkness has chosen to find itself a home.

Once a home now an empty, old dirty castle of darkness, fear and painful memories of all the bridges I had to build just to get over the hurt that came into my heart and broke down all the strong walls I kept up.
All the walls I built with “happiness-bricks”.

  You know it’s funny how I once thought hurt wasn’t tailored for me. I thought I was just too damn happy to feel an ounce of pain but hey, reality says that I’m only human and like any other human being I’m bound to get hurt and feel… feel the need to drop to my knees and weep like a widowed woman.

Weep and cry because of a broken glass-virgin heart.

I really thought hurt wasn’t tailored for me but you came into my life and made me fall in line with all the broken hearted girls. Singing songs of “why, what, how and how much?” As if the bed they lay upon has all the answers to their rhetorical questions.

I was foolish I know. Blinded by your love I know. I was blind, I know. Falling for all your stories of “make-believes” I was blind.
 In happily ever afters you got me to believe.

…but now that’s an old book I’ve closed and kept down the old shed and ounces of dust have settled on it.
All that is forgotten and I’m a new person now.

The silence was loud…

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…and I repeat, the silence was loud!!!

Anger was raging within me and pain was just weighing my heart down making it feel so empty, yet there I was in his arms.

In the arms of a man who once pledged to always be at my rescue and protect me from all the scars of the world, yet he’s the one who’s wounding me.

The wound is so deep it might never taste the sweetness of healing again.

My eyes were so wet and I was trying so hard to fight back the tears on some: “BlaQed come on, pull yourself together. You know you’re stronger than that, remember that BIG DON’T GIRLS CRY.”

“Big girls don’t cry” really?! Are we that naive?
Big girls are also human, they have feelings man.
They hurt.

…but then at that moment I felt the need to swallow a rock and waterproof my eyes. I couldn’t allow him to see that he has touched my heart, I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of getting close to breaking BlaQed.

I mean BlaQed is unbreakable, she hardly hurts, she’s strong, she’s an activist who stands for the protection of hearts-women hearts-.

So…with all that in my heart and an influx of painful events in my mind I was playing a game of picking Pokemon, choosing whether to be only human and cry or just become a mutant superhero and choose wayfer form and not cry.

The room was filled with blindness, distrust, hurt, lies, pain, unfaithfulness and untruthfulness.

I was quiet because I knew what he didn’t know I knew,  he was quiet because he was trying to understand the root of my silence.

In my mind I wanted to rewrite “Lamb to the slaughter” and just slaughter his selfish ass but in my heart I just wanted to forget it all and learn to love him again without fear nor regrets.

We were having private conversations with ourselves and the silence in that room was just too damn loud.

Lost love…

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Can I write to Khumbul’ekhaya? …and have them remind you to khumbula ekhaya.
Because they say: “Home is where the heart is. ”
…and you once said I should always know that wherever you are your heart will always be with me.

Can I write to Relate?
…and have them help us and educate us on how to relate, because to me this relationship has no relation.
It’s just mutual distance with no direction.

Allow my to write to Love Back.
I need them to help me trace your emotions.
My love,  it seems like you’re gone and you can’t seem to find your way back.
I need to get my love back.

Can’t we take it all back to what it once was?
Can’t we start afresh and promise each other the world and all it’s made of?
Can’t you just go back to being the heart-entrepreneur you once was and sell me all the dreams in the world?

I wish I could just write to All You Need Is Love, ngoba wena sthandwa sami wang’lahla and I just know that all you need is my love.

Come home and find your love, my love.

I saved him…

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“My love for you is very lustful with no emotional connection involved really.

For you my heart will never ever miss a beat because it has never ever felt your presence.

I wish I could say you make my heart beat but I can’t because you don’t but all you ever do is make “it” rain and believe me when I say that when it rains, it actually floods.

See… You don’t invade my thoughts but you actually invade my fantasies and all I ever fantasise about is your awesomeness.

You’re one of a kind, and definitely one of my kind you are. In a lustful way though.”

That was all I could say to him, in attempts to save him.

See… that to me, was a big enough boat to help him sail away from his lame ideas of him and I “loving each other forever”.

…because in my eyes he really needed to be saved.

Finally free!

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I wish my silence was loud enough to buy me your attention.
I wish my tears were enough to drown your ignorance.

…but now those are just wishes and reality says you can never care enough to notice the scars left by your absence in my life.

I wish I knew why you promised to stay by my side forever when you knew very well that your “forever” was just a few weeks long.

I could never understand how you steal someone’s heart with no other intention but to just break it apart.

…but then again my lesson I’ve learnt and you know what they say about lessons learnt the hard way – they’re never forgotten -.

See…my lesson I’ve learnt and it’s all thanks to you. You have not destroyed me but you’ve emancipated me from the silly traditions of longing for love.

I am free and I shall never allo. w LOVE to set a price tag on my happiness.

Mend his heart, just to break it apart!

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Mend his heart just to break it apart because “all men are the same” and all of them shall pay for the sins of one.

“Don’t mess with a broken-hearted girl” is what I always tell these vultures but they never seem to listen because they’re men and they somehow seem to think that they’re stronger than us ‘women”…
…stupid. I know!

..but now it’s our time to teach them a lesson. Let them understand that like humans we also feel pain. Let them know that like them we also need to be listened to. Let them see that our voices matter as much as theirs and that EMOTIONALLY we’re stronger and much more dangerous.

So…now the plan is for us to go poaching for all the “broken-hearted” men, mend their hearts just to break them apart and have them singing the “all women are the same” song, like we have for decades.

…because now, like never before we demand to be respected.

Letter to the heartless.

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Dear Stranger,

You have managed to make her an engineer of bridges and she has managed to build a bridge between heartache and heartbreak to help get over her heart’s break.
Oh… Yes. Her heart has taken a break, it was never her choice but she has learnt to accept, deal and live with it and it’s all thanks to you dear Stranger.

I’m writing this letter to help you see and understand her situation because when you had your turn with her she had to over stand your brutal situations.

Since you’ve built her a castle of “make believes”, sold her dreams and made her believe that she was the one for you as much as she knew that you’re the one for her. It still saddens me how blind you’ve managed to make her.

Using gifts and promises as a blindfold. Hiding away the truth and having her seek it every lie you’ve told.

You became the king of your castle and her the slave enslaving herself to keeping you happy. In hopes that you’ll stay in her life forever and you chose to toy with her kindness.

…but now I hope you find yourself a heartless somebody who’ll break yours into a million unrepairable pieces.
Forcing you to fall in line with them and be of the heartless.