Tag Archives: #AboutMe

Call it falling in love, because I did

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​Call it a falling in love…

…because I traded my “thinking with my heart and loving with my mind” idea with a “thinking with my mind and loving with my heart” mentality.
 I let go of all my fears and embraced my wishes. I ditched keeping an eye out and became a “Sleeping Beauty”, I allowed my mind the privilege of resting.

I think I fell in love.

I think I’ve always wanted my life to be perfect and my fear of getting hurt turned me into a knight, always on my toes and too cautious to even let my guard down.
No guy could have ever attempted to try me out, I mean no guy wants to feel like an enemy in their own relationship.

So it wasn’t until I decided to swap my protective armour and steel boots for a dress and a pair of heels that I finally found my Mr Right. 
My Prince Charming. 

Not only did he rescue a damsel in distress but he also swept me right under my feet and had love knocking me down.
I mean no one can ever raise me to the same height as he has, no one could have me close me eyes and have me feel the world move around me.
…or hold my hand and have waterfalls flow right through my spine. No one could smile at me and have me naming stars theirs. 

He came into my life and had me believing that the moon was made from cheese, that with every “I love you” we say to each other the universe gives birth to a new star.

I know I fell in love.

With an incredible human being, a work of art. I think the word perfect never existed until he was born. With a smile that melts my heart and sends the juices to the moon and back, eyes that send chills down the spine of my soul making my spirits’ knees weak and a personality that sends electrical sparks that confuse the loving sh*t out of my brains?
I fell in love with amazing person.

God’s master piece.

Call it falling in love because I tripped, fell hard and became the happiest person alive.

 

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Bonsai techniqued!

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​They thought clipping my wings would make earthbound, but it only emancipated my urge to fly away.

They thought caging me up would stop me from growing, but what they didn’t know is that a simple cage could not serve as a bonsai technique and that I could never be bonsai’d, so it only made my inner self reach its full potential.

They thought tapping my lips would shut me up but now the words are in my head and my fingers served has interpreters of my speech because I long to be heard, they could never silence me.
They scarred my face and thought that with these scars I wouldn’t be seen but what they didn’t know is that my presence is felt before it can be seen and that all these scars can never change the thought of my presence when I chose to avail myself.
I believe that God placed me on this earth for a reason.
With my bubbly personality to revive weary emotions, my smile to give hope to hopeless souls, my hands to touch life into dying spirits and my words to guide those searching for the truth they’ll never find.
I believe I was brought into this world to show people the light they thought they could never own, to give them a taste of love they only read about in books and the happiness they only sang about.
…and personally I would like to help them feel the freedom they’re too afraid to dream of, touch the love they’re too shy to wish for and grasp a reality they thought only exists in their minds.
Let them know it’s not an idea but a possibility that could be brought to life.

I can never be bonsai’d!

Goddess the creator

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If only the universe had granted me powers of creation and named me Goddess the creator, I’d build the man of my fantasies.

In the image of “isthandwa sami” I’d create him.

With toffe-nut ice cream lips I’d create him.

I’d give him a lavender infested smile to fill the room with a motherly aroma every time he lays his eyes on me.

His eyes would be of pearls to make me fall deeper in love every time I stare into them.

His voice would be as relaxing as classical sounds. Matured mentals of your Beethovens and Mozarts.
Musical prowess!

If I had godly powers I’d create that man.

With skin made of chocolate-coloured cotton candy, good enough for me die for.

His heart would be of Gold and I a greedy miner.
Digging day and night.

His touch would be of warm subtle water falls at the edge of diamante mountains.
Priceless if you ask me.

I’d create him to fill the sky with stars every time he walks and his body would be a portrait to thirst over.

If only I was a goddess of creation, I’d create this man with godly features, in the image of “isthanwa sami” and devote myself to loving him as I love thyself.

Find your hidden heart!

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Don’t you dare tell me that you love me now, because I kind of feel like it doesn’t really matter now.

See…when I longed for your love it was nowhere to be found.

You chose to play a game of “hide and seek”. You hid your heart and made my poor soul seek it.

I’m tired of seeking your “faded out” love and I swear once I turn my back on the idea of ever finding it, the only way forward is teaching myself how to forget about ever being in love with you and learning how to fall in love with a deserving heart.

I’m sick and tired of the long scruffy journey I’ve walked in search of your hidden heart.

I’ve nursed myself way too much and I’m about to become iskhorokhoro.
With all the bruises I got from thorns of your cold heart,
Scars I got from dried out branches of your heartlessness,
Scratches I got from your “bob-draaded” selfishness,
…and wounds I got from stepping on pieces of your shattered-broken mirrored hate.

I’m done, ngiyas’thula les’gqoko. I will not allow you to do as you please with my feelings.

Game’s up, you better find your heart because my soul’s seeking days are over.

Another “final” note!

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I’ve always wanted to be the best daughter ever. Trying so hard to correct the mistakes of those who came before me.

…but now I’ve failed. I decided to put my happiness first and in the process I’m about to bring sadness to people who once decided to take a leap of Faith and put their trust in me.

In their eyes I’m a daughter, an angel but to the truth and myself. I’m a monster and I believe I was created for nothing else but to self destruct.

I’ve reached my peak and I’m about to self destruct.
I’m about to chop myself into a million pieces just to remind myself what real pain feels like.

I’m about to shut down the entire system of my existence and call it “Operation Deuses”.

I’m done.

Look…

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Look…
If only plagiarism didn’t exist, I’d take all his words and make them mine.
Rewrite everything his hand has ever scribbled upon my soul.

I’d take music and turn it into a modern love letter. Embedding my feelings in your mind and engraving my love on your heart.

If only plagiarism didn’t exist, I’d borrow myself his thoughts, bedazzl them with my ideas and bring you to your knees.

Have you feel the world move around you. Have you thinking that it’s you and I against the world.

If plagiarism didn’t exist, I’d study his words to make them mine. I’d scribble onto sticky-notes my ideas, confessing my love for you.

I’d turn feelings into thoughts, emotions into ideas and mentals into heartbeats.

…but now plagiarism exists and using people’s sweat is a recorded crime so I’ll just look at you and hope that my eyes say it all when my smile fails to convince you.

Um’shelo so tough.

Love so sweet…

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I’m sitting here thinking to myself. If all these posts were a book I’d have to write and finish a new one before the year ends.

I mean all the posts my hand have written were the past and the present says all that was hurt, fear and sadness.

…and now all that seems so far away from my reach. It feels as if my heart will never taste the bitterness of all that negativity and maybe, just maybe I was too quick to write off happiness in my life.

As I sit right here. I remember all the tears I shed, the fear I experienced and the pain I’ve felt.

All I can do now is smile and thank God for the new experience,  the new life where I’m proud enough to stand up and say “YES, I’VE TASTED THE SWEETNESS OF BEING IN LOVE AND I NOW KNOW THAT LOVE IS TAILORED FOR ME.”

I’m in love.

Modern love letter…

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What would you say if I came to you and asked you to consider staying in my life forever?!
Would you be interested?

What if I chose to be yours for life, promised to love you forever and swore to never dream beyond our castle?!
Would that be ok?

You taught me how to fly when I didn’t even believe in wings.

You made me realize how easy it is to stand up tall when I didn’t even think getting up was possible.

You make me believe that catching dreams with a butterfly net isn’t insane but simply fashionable.

You’re that part of me I missed all my life but I never knew I ever had.
A series of strings that has managed to keep me together.

Sthandwa sami you’re my joy, my pride and my strength.
Without you I’m a tree without brunches on which the world can’t feed.

So would you please show interest in staying in my life forever?
I mean simply allow me to name myself “YOURS” and promise to never imagine me out of your world.

Simply because, ngiyak’thanda wena Jobe wami.
Mondisa wesizwe!

The silence was loud…

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…and I repeat, the silence was loud!!!

Anger was raging within me and pain was just weighing my heart down making it feel so empty, yet there I was in his arms.

In the arms of a man who once pledged to always be at my rescue and protect me from all the scars of the world, yet he’s the one who’s wounding me.

The wound is so deep it might never taste the sweetness of healing again.

My eyes were so wet and I was trying so hard to fight back the tears on some: “BlaQed come on, pull yourself together. You know you’re stronger than that, remember that BIG DON’T GIRLS CRY.”

“Big girls don’t cry” really?! Are we that naive?
Big girls are also human, they have feelings man.
They hurt.

…but then at that moment I felt the need to swallow a rock and waterproof my eyes. I couldn’t allow him to see that he has touched my heart, I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of getting close to breaking BlaQed.

I mean BlaQed is unbreakable, she hardly hurts, she’s strong, she’s an activist who stands for the protection of hearts-women hearts-.

So…with all that in my heart and an influx of painful events in my mind I was playing a game of picking Pokemon, choosing whether to be only human and cry or just become a mutant superhero and choose wayfer form and not cry.

The room was filled with blindness, distrust, hurt, lies, pain, unfaithfulness and untruthfulness.

I was quiet because I knew what he didn’t know I knew,  he was quiet because he was trying to understand the root of my silence.

In my mind I wanted to rewrite “Lamb to the slaughter” and just slaughter his selfish ass but in my heart I just wanted to forget it all and learn to love him again without fear nor regrets.

We were having private conversations with ourselves and the silence in that room was just too damn loud.

Izithakazelo zakwa Thabede

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Izithakazelo zakwa Thabede

Thabede
Jiyane
Ndidane
Mqadompofu
Songo
Vezi
Mlotshwa
Gambu
Mwelase
Xwayela
Nomaswiliswili, Luphaphelwempangela,
Guqabathokoze abafokazana,
Mbizanazotshwala, Nina enehla ngesilulu
ezintabeni zobombo abanye
behla ngezinyawo,
Machabadankosi ngoba wachabada
u-Ngwane ka-Mbilini
Magodanqutha, mlenge.
Uzodelibandla kungelakhe lakwa-Gcingiza.
Maswati amhlophe, unwele olude.