Category Archives: Womanhood

She blessed a BLESSER with her innocence…

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​At age 25 she lost the most private part of herself. A part of her she held on to for the past 25 years.

When an elderly asshole covered in a fashionable zest of sugar-daddy tendencies made breathing in her direction his new pet-project, she allowed her guard to drop!
When he promised her a world he only read about in The Business Times, she was sold.

What I don’t understand is how this no good bastard of a father, got her to give herself up for his rusty bronze-plated “truth”.
I don’t understand how a girl as smart as she is would feel the need to be blessed with lies, impossible forevers and unobtainable worlds.
Earning this man the ever-so-preached BLESSER status.

She was always too good for these boys. They couldn’t even lay a finger on her, but tonight a beast has been clawing her thighs.
Spreading them apart as if it would be a crime for them to ever touch each other.

He wanted to show her “HEAVEN”, a place he swears was built for her.
With white linen and sheets that resembles the clouds, towels and pillows for angels.
…and long heavily carpeted discreet passages that resembles passageways that lead you to apparent paradises of fantasised forevers.
It was a hotel, a “Five Star Hotel” one of the best to him, but one of the rest to me. They’re all the same to me, dungeons of sin and secrets big enough to break families apart.

She was never ready for the decisions she made when money and her heart’s weakness had blinded her importance and urgency to protect herself from the vultures of our world.
In the midst of his promises, she lost herself.

To his cruelty and greed, she lost her ever-so-praised self respect. The night she allowed him to stick his filthy oversized-ego inside of her innocence, she lost herself.
She lost her VIRGINITY, and her dignity was burnt beyond recognition.

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Call it falling in love, because I did

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​Call it a falling in love…

…because I traded my “thinking with my heart and loving with my mind” idea with a “thinking with my mind and loving with my heart” mentality.
 I let go of all my fears and embraced my wishes. I ditched keeping an eye out and became a “Sleeping Beauty”, I allowed my mind the privilege of resting.

I think I fell in love.

I think I’ve always wanted my life to be perfect and my fear of getting hurt turned me into a knight, always on my toes and too cautious to even let my guard down.
No guy could have ever attempted to try me out, I mean no guy wants to feel like an enemy in their own relationship.

So it wasn’t until I decided to swap my protective armour and steel boots for a dress and a pair of heels that I finally found my Mr Right. 
My Prince Charming. 

Not only did he rescue a damsel in distress but he also swept me right under my feet and had love knocking me down.
I mean no one can ever raise me to the same height as he has, no one could have me close me eyes and have me feel the world move around me.
…or hold my hand and have waterfalls flow right through my spine. No one could smile at me and have me naming stars theirs. 

He came into my life and had me believing that the moon was made from cheese, that with every “I love you” we say to each other the universe gives birth to a new star.

I know I fell in love.

With an incredible human being, a work of art. I think the word perfect never existed until he was born. With a smile that melts my heart and sends the juices to the moon and back, eyes that send chills down the spine of my soul making my spirits’ knees weak and a personality that sends electrical sparks that confuse the loving sh*t out of my brains?
I fell in love with amazing person.

God’s master piece.

Call it falling in love because I tripped, fell hard and became the happiest person alive.

 

Cheating bastards and their insecurities!

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​I said I believe that we all cheat and that our insecurities come from the way we cheat and all the cheating bastards wanted to bite my head off about it.

…and now I want to say I lied.

I don’t believe we all cheat, in actual fact I know that bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat.
For instance if he was to cheat on social networks, he’ll always have an issue with you being on social networks all the time without saying a word to him, because he expects you to do what he does 
…and now we have to raise the “burning” question and ask him what he does all the time on social networks without saying a word to you, who is he chatting to?!

I mean if you have an issue with my phone always being in my bag every time I’m with you, chances are… you normally keep yours out of reach just in case your skeletons decide to creep out and scare the shit out of our relationship.
I still say, insecurities come from the way people cheat. Every single issue your partner has about something that doesn’t mean any harm to the relationship it is because that’s they way the person is cheating on you.
If he hates the fact that you answer your phone outside, he has people who keep calling him that he doesn’t want you to know about.
If he accuses you of staying up on social networks in the early hours of the morning without saying anything to him, he has other people he’s entertaining hence the fact that he accuses you of doing it. How does he see that you’re up if he’s not?

If he hates the idea of you going out with your friends, it means that every time he goes out with his, he always gets someone to replace you for the night. 

If he doesn’t like the idea of you having male friends, he has side chicks posing as female friends.  

If he hates how you smile at other guys, his smile to other chicks is more than just a smile.

If he questions your exhaustion every time he wants to get laid, he’s probably having sex with other women.

Men will have a problem with a pattern you have set for “screen lock”, while his phone has a million security codes like it’s some important high-security private lab. 
He’ll have a problem with being saved as “Prince Charming”, while he has simply saved you by your name and surname.

He’ll have a problem with you not answering your phone, while you call him about a thousand times with no prevail.

…and now you have to sit down with yourself and really ask yourself what his problem is with everything you do and you’ll finally notice that…

All these bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat!

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

The “final” note!

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It wasn’t the end but only the beginning.

Her fears wrote a letter to her happiness in “final note” form and it went like:

“I want to go bungee jumping without ropes just to see how long it will take for me to reach the ground…

…or maybe cut myself real deep, just to see the amount of blood I have in me.

Might even stab my heart, I really want to see how deep the knife can go.

I want to go skydiving with no skydiving gear, I want to see how many seconds it takes for one to finally kiss the ground.

I’d overdose and start counting sheep but I’m afraid I might count to infinity and back.

Don’t tell me about pain because I believe there is no greater pain in the world than the pain I’m feeling now.

I need to escape, I need to be freed off this excruciating pain I’m feeling. I need to break free and finally taste eternal rest.

Death and fear don’t scare me no more. I’ve been afraid for too damn long and my courage says I should jump off the highest building just to really feel for the very last time.

…and I promise I’ll be smiling when I slowly burn out, I’ll make sure only my beauty is remembered.

I’m ready.”

…but now her world hadn’t been informed of such an implication. When the content had slipped off the fingers of her social networks,  they thought it was a suicidal note.

A final letter of demand from the troubled soul lurking within the ever-glowing contours of her imperfected silhouette.

Her world was wounded and scared by fears of the unknown whereabouts of her truths.

All that wasn’t really  necessary because what the world didn’t know is that it was only the end of her fears and troubles, and the beginning of success and eternal happiness.

“I love my cup of coffee the way I love man…”

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“I love my cup of coffee the way I love man…”
This right here is a statement I’ve heard more than enough and I’ve always thought it was a bit of cliché.

You know how ladies always run out of conversation spines when they meet up for a cup of tea or maybe when they have what they love to call a “girls’ night out”?

They end up talking about “God-knows-what” and one of them will always find a way of worming in an unnecessary conversation by starting up with a very ridiculous statement.

…and to me “I love my cup of coffee the way I love my man…” has always been one of those and funny enough it is one of those no-brainers, because I mean women always find a way to say the first thing that comes to mind when these “let’s get to know each other better” moments come.

See… in most cases the answers/ideas are always diametrically opposed to what these ladies really are.
In simple text, women never really know what they’re into.

…but then again I fell in love and everything took a turn into the unknown and all my disbelieves turned into a series of believes.

I grew to understand how a man can actually be compared to a cup of coffee, I grew to understand how two different things could be so similar.
I myself learnt how to compare my man to a cup of coffee and have my friends understand my insane taste in men.

So…here goes: “I love my cup of coffee the way I love my man, hot, not too sweet but very strong with a few drops of milk to make it chocolaty and just know that I’m a coffee addict.”

“I’m a taken woman…”

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I said: “Hey,  look at me and get a boner.
See my smile and feel your heart melt.  I’m not just a girl but thee girl.”

…and he thought I was insane.

So… I said: “Look, you can easily hear my voice and wet your pants.
Look into my eyes and feel your knees get weak.
I’m not one of a million but one in a million, I know.”

…and he thought I was lying.

Then I had to say: “See… I could walk your way and have your heart jumping up and down…
…or simply touch you and have you thinking in tongues.
I’m not a typical human being but one you’d love to have in your life. ”

…and he thought it was my craziness speaking.

I then said: “Well, I could easily say your name and have the world move around you…
…or maybe blow you a kiss and have you build your world around me.
…because not only have I become your crush but in me you’ve found the girl of your dreams. ”

…and at the this point I had won his heart just to turn him down and remind him that I’m a taken woman.

For a change he wanted to read about me.

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He has recently laid eyes on my not-so-cooked blog and decided to scratch his way into knowing more than just a bit about me.

…but then the blog is just a scribble and not entirely about me, so he got nothing.

So he decided to go about the humanely manner of doing such and simply ask about me.

…and he asked a few questions and I’m willing to answer all of them so here goes.

If I was left with one wish in my whole life, I’d actually wish to be granted the opportunity of seeing how my future is going to turn out just to make better choices and change a few things about it.

If I had to spend the last two hours before I have a celebration of my biggest success with people, I’d actually spend it with people who didn’t help me get there. Give them a taste of having me around because they would definitely not be included in my future.

Who am I? Where do I come from with life and where have I been?  What makes me strong, happy and alive?

Well that’s easy… I’m Duduzile Hope Thembilihle Thabethe-Thabede, I’m a person who doesn’t believe in a lot of things but everything I can feel.
I value myself more than anything in the world.
I am still on a journey to finding myself and my purpose in life.

I don’t believe in dreams, but I do believe in making dreams come true.

I can’t say I’ve been anywhere with life because I’ve recently started living but every experience I’ve had in life I’ve treasured for it has made me the person I am today.

What makes me happy is knowing that I’ve managed to a smile on someone’s face and that I continue to make those who root for me proud.
What makes me happy is knowing that I mean the world to someone and I shall always be appreciated and remembered for my efforts.

What makes me strong is enjoying every single moment in life, learning from each and every experience, regretting nothing,  never allowing myself to dwell on the past and always forcing myself to move on.

I only live once,  so waking up a new person every morning is essential.

Love is an idea not a feeling.

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Then “love at first sight”, now “love at best price”…
…because their potential is now measured by the price they’re willing to pay and how much love they’re willing to give.

I mean falling in love nowadays is quite simple. It is never magic or a miracle, it’s simply a choice we make.

You make a list of all the things you want in a man, you go looking for a few candidates, you analyse them, you choose the one who ticks the most boxes and you then choose to fall in love.

…but then you get ladies who only fall in love for a need. Those who make falling in love a money making business. Those who are normally considered gold-diggers, but who cares? I mean women need to make a living, so why not make a living out of the name of love?

See…their process is quite different. They they have standards and in order to met those standards you need to have money.
These women measure your potential with the price you’re willing to pay and the deeper your pockets, the deeper  love.

Feelings and emotions come at a price. Their motto: “Your money is my command.”

Right now I really think the world has created women who have chosen to love like men. I believe all women are soon to be dogs, men the victims and all our invisible posters are about to tell a different story because days of “broken hearted girls” are history.

…because now our love is an idea and not a feeling. It’s all in the mind and never in the heart.

Beauty qualities.

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Beautiful… In my mind “be you” and the full tea doesn’t really matter because I’m not really a tea fan.

…but really, that’s what beauty really is to me. Being you!

Accepting and loving yourself for who you are, and that means settling with your inner self and not allowing anyone to change your ideas about your journey in life.

…but then again I can never be beautiful enough, because society has chosen to own beauty rights and make our conscience its playground.

Setting up a list of qualities to qualify you the right to being beautiful, because now not everyone can be beautiful.

Long fake eyelashes, fake hair, fake nails, light skin, make-up, implants of breasts and other “attractive body parts” are part of the qualifying criteria.

…and if you lack any of those you don’t really qualify as being “beautiful”.

So…Now I, with my afro’d hair, real eyelashes, thick eyebrows, dark skin, Vaselined face and “skinny” self will never ever be “beautiful” enough in their eyes.

…because all my qualities don’t qualify.

Like a stubborn old oak tree I refuse to fall.

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With my broken heart in place I stepped up to him and said: “Man, forget about loving me. Just snap out of that thought. See…I can never allow you that chance, because like the rest, you might just fail to love me correctly.”

…but now with my warm inviting smile he thought I was joking.

So…He got closer, in attempts to save me from my “pain – embellished” thoughts.

…and I screamed: “Nigga please! Step away from me, come on yo. Make like the tree and leave, can’t you see that I don’t wanna be saved?”

See…now at this point his undersized ego was a big enough blindfold to blind his eyes from the truth. I mean this guy here was too blind to see that this girl doesn’t wanna be saved.
He was too blind to see that he is not needed in my life and that his presence in my life is not really essential.

See…Every step he took getting closer to me was a pledge to his “master-race” to enter my life and play Superman but now this stupid guy didn’t understand that I don’t want uSuperman I just want my simple man.

Like the rest he thought I was being stubborn, but I actually wasn’t. I was just being true to myself and standing my ground.

Not giving in to their ideas about me and who I am. Not allowing them the chance to determine my happiness and clearly not falling into this love trap that has them tripping girls hard.

…because now, like a stubborn old oak tree I refuse to fall.