Category Archives: Falling out of love.

We’re over 

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​”According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
So… when I met you I thought I’ve found my half and that the search was over,

But then again I lied.
You made me step on my pride, lock away my fears, drown my insecurities and swallow my doubts. 

You made me feel.
You made me embrace love, welcome happiness and you made me believe that all the world’s “two-minutes” adrenalines were meant to last me a lifetime.

That they were mine to own.
With a smile that’s perfect next to mine, eyes matching mine and hands that fit perfectly in mine,  you made me fall deeper in love with you.

You made me imagine fantasy and Foreverlands.

You made me dream beyond the skies.
…but now all that is gone. Our Asthmatic Relationship has reached its “End-By-Date” and I’m afraid this my Final Note.

A final letter of demand, from my heart to yours.

Demanding the release of my love for you, the love I thought you could devote yourself to nurturing for as long as we both shall live.

But you failed.
You failed to keep us alive.
You brought our love to its knees with your secrets and surprises, even when you knew our relationship was ASTHMATIC your selfishness made you choose to shock it to death with all the skeletons in your closet. 
I loved you with everything I’m made of, I think I still do but now there are too many skeletons in you closet.

I can’t carry us any more.
We’re over.

I broke his heart

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I decided we play “catch” with our hearts and I suggested he went first.
So he threw his heart at me, as it made its way into the comfort of my catch I decided to duck and it hit the ground.
At first it wasn’t with intention but with the thoughts that struck I just had to.

It came to my attention that he’s an asshole, and when dealing with his kind one has to gel and blend.
I became one with him, I was an asshole, I ducked his heart and it hit the ground.
I broke his heart.

Cheating bastards and their insecurities!

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​I said I believe that we all cheat and that our insecurities come from the way we cheat and all the cheating bastards wanted to bite my head off about it.

…and now I want to say I lied.

I don’t believe we all cheat, in actual fact I know that bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat.
For instance if he was to cheat on social networks, he’ll always have an issue with you being on social networks all the time without saying a word to him, because he expects you to do what he does 
…and now we have to raise the “burning” question and ask him what he does all the time on social networks without saying a word to you, who is he chatting to?!

I mean if you have an issue with my phone always being in my bag every time I’m with you, chances are… you normally keep yours out of reach just in case your skeletons decide to creep out and scare the shit out of our relationship.
I still say, insecurities come from the way people cheat. Every single issue your partner has about something that doesn’t mean any harm to the relationship it is because that’s they way the person is cheating on you.
If he hates the fact that you answer your phone outside, he has people who keep calling him that he doesn’t want you to know about.
If he accuses you of staying up on social networks in the early hours of the morning without saying anything to him, he has other people he’s entertaining hence the fact that he accuses you of doing it. How does he see that you’re up if he’s not?

If he hates the idea of you going out with your friends, it means that every time he goes out with his, he always gets someone to replace you for the night. 

If he doesn’t like the idea of you having male friends, he has side chicks posing as female friends.  

If he hates how you smile at other guys, his smile to other chicks is more than just a smile.

If he questions your exhaustion every time he wants to get laid, he’s probably having sex with other women.

Men will have a problem with a pattern you have set for “screen lock”, while his phone has a million security codes like it’s some important high-security private lab. 
He’ll have a problem with being saved as “Prince Charming”, while he has simply saved you by your name and surname.

He’ll have a problem with you not answering your phone, while you call him about a thousand times with no prevail.

…and now you have to sit down with yourself and really ask yourself what his problem is with everything you do and you’ll finally notice that…

All these bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat!

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Not yet over…

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My imagination said: “Recently I’ve found myself crawling through the days of our lives,
Trying to reach a point where I actually love you and it hopelessly feels like a journey with no end.

It’s happening again, our
ASTHMATIC RELATIONSHIP has reached its ‘End By Date’.

At this point you have earned your spot to fall in line with your kind and name yourself a ‘Once Upon A Time’.

One of the temporary beings in my life.
A has been.”

…but my stubborn heart is holding on to yours, my body is renovating the feel of your touch on my skin and my mind is rewriting memories of you and they just seem so alive and simply current.

Reality keeps striking me and I have to let go but my being won’t give up just yet.

…I thought I didn’t understand why this was happening but today I learnt and understood where it all comes from.

I still love you and I’ve given all of me to you but fear keeps playing mind games and doubt is busy telling me that love never really existed.

Today I learnt that Cupid wasn’t stupid when he shot us with the same arrow.
See…when Zeus separated us and Cupid’s arrow helped us find each other?!

The heavens smiled because they simply knew that we were meant for one another and that we’ll always be together.

An asthmatic relationship

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It was another “short-breathed” relationship,
Or should I say an asthmatic relationship?

A relationship that was never really tailored for much excitement and an excessive expression of emotional experiences really.

It was a boring relationship.

A relationship of perfectionism and planning.
“Routines and traditions” is what their activities were inspired by.

They became blinded by their mentals of may, might and maybe.
…and now their blindness had allowed them to fall victim to fear and allow their fear of something going wrong feast heavily on their hunger to explore  and somehow ‘live a little’.

The lifespan of their chronic relationship was unknown. It was somewhat critical, I mean it could get attacked at anytime and die out.

Its tomorrow wasn’t promised, so was its next time, so their dreams only existed in the moment…
…and their hope was fuelled by a short vision of a future they didn’t  even believe in.

Our relationship was naturally toxic and any form of spark would have been the death of us.

 

Broken soul, scarred heart!

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I wish i could look into your eyes and say that all is well, but i can’t because it’s not.

Every time I look at you my heart just gets too damn heavy and my eyes fill up with tears.

I wish I could allow you to hold me close and promise me that “everything will be ok” but I can’t…

…because the day you chose to walk out of the doors of trust I kept up for you, I chose to lose faith in you.

You’ve scarred my heart and it hurts so bad.
I’m broken!

This is a break-up…

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I want you to find your wings again and fly away to find love once again.

I want you to learn to love more out there and less in here.
…because very soon I’m gonna leave you for good and the love I have for you wishes it could hurt less.

I’d love for you to get over me before the hate I have for myself forces you to forget me.

I want you to walk away while I’m still smiling and strive to always remember me like that.

I have shortened my bucket list and the only deed on it, is to love you and only you until the end.

I’m really sorry for the pain I’m about to bring to you but like everything else in the world pain also fades away.

Soon, all this will be nothing but memories and I just hope that one day when the tunnel of pain I’ve brought to you comes to an end your light shall come in eternal happiness form.

Dead on the inside and bearly holding-on, on the outside.
I’m done.

This is a break-up because I’m about to break-down.

Mxm, man you’re insecure.

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My anger thoughts on repeat. In my head, bitter thoughts are like a song with no instruments. Its words are so sharp and they just keep banging in my head.

I had never dreamt of hurting you, I mean I can never bring myself to the point of doing you wrong.

…but that doesn’t really matter to you. I mean in your eyes I’m a thief, a happiness-thief.
I make people build their worlds around me just to knock them down.

Have them believe in the good to blinden them from seeing my badness.

You thought I never saw it coming? Well, I did.

I saw it all… when all that I said didn’t really matter that much to you.
When all my efforts were in vain and all you thought about was not falling victim to my ways of cruelty?!
I saw it all.

See… the day you choose to open your eyes and see all the beauty my actions possessed,  I’d be long gone.

…because now you foolish ways of playing FBI with my happiness and peace are eating at my patience and persistence.

On day will be our day and when our day comes, I’ll throw the towel, take a  bucket and rope, find a tree and put an end to our happiness.

Lay it to rest, because we have both taken advantage of it.

He loves me, he loves me not…

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“He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not…”

I mean what are the odds?
 See… all the scenarios I’ve made up in my head are not painful enough and he keeps eliminating and ruling them out like a game of chess.

To me it ain’t fair because I really need to be a lady about the whole situation, I want to cry about it for hours until my eyes are all bloated and I’m just unattractive to him.

Pure madness?  I know.

…but now his perfect-sweet self keeps on removing bricks from my sadness wall, one by one while I on the other side keeps stacking them back up one by one.

Reality says he loves me not but my mind keeps saying he loves me.

Broken virgin-heart…

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Has my “virgin heart” really turned into stone? Is it really that hard and cold?

…because I’ve been looking for forgiveness and I just can’t find it.
All the beauty it once possessed has disappeared and darkness has chosen to find itself a home.

Once a home now an empty, old dirty castle of darkness, fear and painful memories of all the bridges I had to build just to get over the hurt that came into my heart and broke down all the strong walls I kept up.
All the walls I built with “happiness-bricks”.

  You know it’s funny how I once thought hurt wasn’t tailored for me. I thought I was just too damn happy to feel an ounce of pain but hey, reality says that I’m only human and like any other human being I’m bound to get hurt and feel… feel the need to drop to my knees and weep like a widowed woman.

Weep and cry because of a broken glass-virgin heart.

I really thought hurt wasn’t tailored for me but you came into my life and made me fall in line with all the broken hearted girls. Singing songs of “why, what, how and how much?” As if the bed they lay upon has all the answers to their rhetorical questions.

I was foolish I know. Blinded by your love I know. I was blind, I know. Falling for all your stories of “make-believes” I was blind.
 In happily ever afters you got me to believe.

…but now that’s an old book I’ve closed and kept down the old shed and ounces of dust have settled on it.
All that is forgotten and I’m a new person now.