Author Archives: BlaQed

About BlaQed

I am a Smith of words. An author of the BALDERDASHinary. Better draw a 3rd eye on your forehead, you'll need to understanding my wording. Like an owl, I grow wiser. My blogs, my growth.

We’re over 

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​”According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
So… when I met you I thought I’ve found my half and that the search was over,

But then again I lied.
You made me step on my pride, lock away my fears, drown my insecurities and swallow my doubts. 

You made me feel.
You made me embrace love, welcome happiness and you made me believe that all the world’s “two-minutes” adrenalines were meant to last me a lifetime.

That they were mine to own.
With a smile that’s perfect next to mine, eyes matching mine and hands that fit perfectly in mine,  you made me fall deeper in love with you.

You made me imagine fantasy and Foreverlands.

You made me dream beyond the skies.
…but now all that is gone. Our Asthmatic Relationship has reached its “End-By-Date” and I’m afraid this my Final Note.

A final letter of demand, from my heart to yours.

Demanding the release of my love for you, the love I thought you could devote yourself to nurturing for as long as we both shall live.

But you failed.
You failed to keep us alive.
You brought our love to its knees with your secrets and surprises, even when you knew our relationship was ASTHMATIC your selfishness made you choose to shock it to death with all the skeletons in your closet. 
I loved you with everything I’m made of, I think I still do but now there are too many skeletons in you closet.

I can’t carry us any more.
We’re over.

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I broke his heart

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I decided we play “catch” with our hearts and I suggested he went first.
So he threw his heart at me, as it made its way into the comfort of my catch I decided to duck and it hit the ground.
At first it wasn’t with intention but with the thoughts that struck I just had to.

It came to my attention that he’s an asshole, and when dealing with his kind one has to gel and blend.
I became one with him, I was an asshole, I ducked his heart and it hit the ground.
I broke his heart.

She blessed a BLESSER with her innocence…

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​At age 25 she lost the most private part of herself. A part of her she held on to for the past 25 years.

When an elderly asshole covered in a fashionable zest of sugar-daddy tendencies made breathing in her direction his new pet-project, she allowed her guard to drop!
When he promised her a world he only read about in The Business Times, she was sold.

What I don’t understand is how this no good bastard of a father, got her to give herself up for his rusty bronze-plated “truth”.
I don’t understand how a girl as smart as she is would feel the need to be blessed with lies, impossible forevers and unobtainable worlds.
Earning this man the ever-so-preached BLESSER status.

She was always too good for these boys. They couldn’t even lay a finger on her, but tonight a beast has been clawing her thighs.
Spreading them apart as if it would be a crime for them to ever touch each other.

He wanted to show her “HEAVEN”, a place he swears was built for her.
With white linen and sheets that resembles the clouds, towels and pillows for angels.
…and long heavily carpeted discreet passages that resembles passageways that lead you to apparent paradises of fantasised forevers.
It was a hotel, a “Five Star Hotel” one of the best to him, but one of the rest to me. They’re all the same to me, dungeons of sin and secrets big enough to break families apart.

She was never ready for the decisions she made when money and her heart’s weakness had blinded her importance and urgency to protect herself from the vultures of our world.
In the midst of his promises, she lost herself.

To his cruelty and greed, she lost her ever-so-praised self respect. The night she allowed him to stick his filthy oversized-ego inside of her innocence, she lost herself.
She lost her VIRGINITY, and her dignity was burnt beyond recognition.

Call it falling in love, because I did

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​Call it a falling in love…

…because I traded my “thinking with my heart and loving with my mind” idea with a “thinking with my mind and loving with my heart” mentality.
 I let go of all my fears and embraced my wishes. I ditched keeping an eye out and became a “Sleeping Beauty”, I allowed my mind the privilege of resting.

I think I fell in love.

I think I’ve always wanted my life to be perfect and my fear of getting hurt turned me into a knight, always on my toes and too cautious to even let my guard down.
No guy could have ever attempted to try me out, I mean no guy wants to feel like an enemy in their own relationship.

So it wasn’t until I decided to swap my protective armour and steel boots for a dress and a pair of heels that I finally found my Mr Right. 
My Prince Charming. 

Not only did he rescue a damsel in distress but he also swept me right under my feet and had love knocking me down.
I mean no one can ever raise me to the same height as he has, no one could have me close me eyes and have me feel the world move around me.
…or hold my hand and have waterfalls flow right through my spine. No one could smile at me and have me naming stars theirs. 

He came into my life and had me believing that the moon was made from cheese, that with every “I love you” we say to each other the universe gives birth to a new star.

I know I fell in love.

With an incredible human being, a work of art. I think the word perfect never existed until he was born. With a smile that melts my heart and sends the juices to the moon and back, eyes that send chills down the spine of my soul making my spirits’ knees weak and a personality that sends electrical sparks that confuse the loving sh*t out of my brains?
I fell in love with amazing person.

God’s master piece.

Call it falling in love because I tripped, fell hard and became the happiest person alive.

 

Bonsai techniqued!

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​They thought clipping my wings would make earthbound, but it only emancipated my urge to fly away.

They thought caging me up would stop me from growing, but what they didn’t know is that a simple cage could not serve as a bonsai technique and that I could never be bonsai’d, so it only made my inner self reach its full potential.

They thought tapping my lips would shut me up but now the words are in my head and my fingers served has interpreters of my speech because I long to be heard, they could never silence me.
They scarred my face and thought that with these scars I wouldn’t be seen but what they didn’t know is that my presence is felt before it can be seen and that all these scars can never change the thought of my presence when I chose to avail myself.
I believe that God placed me on this earth for a reason.
With my bubbly personality to revive weary emotions, my smile to give hope to hopeless souls, my hands to touch life into dying spirits and my words to guide those searching for the truth they’ll never find.
I believe I was brought into this world to show people the light they thought they could never own, to give them a taste of love they only read about in books and the happiness they only sang about.
…and personally I would like to help them feel the freedom they’re too afraid to dream of, touch the love they’re too shy to wish for and grasp a reality they thought only exists in their minds.
Let them know it’s not an idea but a possibility that could be brought to life.

I can never be bonsai’d!

Cheating bastards and their insecurities!

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​I said I believe that we all cheat and that our insecurities come from the way we cheat and all the cheating bastards wanted to bite my head off about it.

…and now I want to say I lied.

I don’t believe we all cheat, in actual fact I know that bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat.
For instance if he was to cheat on social networks, he’ll always have an issue with you being on social networks all the time without saying a word to him, because he expects you to do what he does 
…and now we have to raise the “burning” question and ask him what he does all the time on social networks without saying a word to you, who is he chatting to?!

I mean if you have an issue with my phone always being in my bag every time I’m with you, chances are… you normally keep yours out of reach just in case your skeletons decide to creep out and scare the shit out of our relationship.
I still say, insecurities come from the way people cheat. Every single issue your partner has about something that doesn’t mean any harm to the relationship it is because that’s they way the person is cheating on you.
If he hates the fact that you answer your phone outside, he has people who keep calling him that he doesn’t want you to know about.
If he accuses you of staying up on social networks in the early hours of the morning without saying anything to him, he has other people he’s entertaining hence the fact that he accuses you of doing it. How does he see that you’re up if he’s not?

If he hates the idea of you going out with your friends, it means that every time he goes out with his, he always gets someone to replace you for the night. 

If he doesn’t like the idea of you having male friends, he has side chicks posing as female friends.  

If he hates how you smile at other guys, his smile to other chicks is more than just a smile.

If he questions your exhaustion every time he wants to get laid, he’s probably having sex with other women.

Men will have a problem with a pattern you have set for “screen lock”, while his phone has a million security codes like it’s some important high-security private lab. 
He’ll have a problem with being saved as “Prince Charming”, while he has simply saved you by your name and surname.

He’ll have a problem with you not answering your phone, while you call him about a thousand times with no prevail.

…and now you have to sit down with yourself and really ask yourself what his problem is with everything you do and you’ll finally notice that…

All these bastards cheat and that all their insecurities come from the way they cheat!

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

Not yet over…

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My imagination said: “Recently I’ve found myself crawling through the days of our lives,
Trying to reach a point where I actually love you and it hopelessly feels like a journey with no end.

It’s happening again, our
ASTHMATIC RELATIONSHIP has reached its ‘End By Date’.

At this point you have earned your spot to fall in line with your kind and name yourself a ‘Once Upon A Time’.

One of the temporary beings in my life.
A has been.”

…but my stubborn heart is holding on to yours, my body is renovating the feel of your touch on my skin and my mind is rewriting memories of you and they just seem so alive and simply current.

Reality keeps striking me and I have to let go but my being won’t give up just yet.

…I thought I didn’t understand why this was happening but today I learnt and understood where it all comes from.

I still love you and I’ve given all of me to you but fear keeps playing mind games and doubt is busy telling me that love never really existed.

Today I learnt that Cupid wasn’t stupid when he shot us with the same arrow.
See…when Zeus separated us and Cupid’s arrow helped us find each other?!

The heavens smiled because they simply knew that we were meant for one another and that we’ll always be together.

Goddess the creator

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If only the universe had granted me powers of creation and named me Goddess the creator, I’d build the man of my fantasies.

In the image of “isthandwa sami” I’d create him.

With toffe-nut ice cream lips I’d create him.

I’d give him a lavender infested smile to fill the room with a motherly aroma every time he lays his eyes on me.

His eyes would be of pearls to make me fall deeper in love every time I stare into them.

His voice would be as relaxing as classical sounds. Matured mentals of your Beethovens and Mozarts.
Musical prowess!

If I had godly powers I’d create that man.

With skin made of chocolate-coloured cotton candy, good enough for me die for.

His heart would be of Gold and I a greedy miner.
Digging day and night.

His touch would be of warm subtle water falls at the edge of diamante mountains.
Priceless if you ask me.

I’d create him to fill the sky with stars every time he walks and his body would be a portrait to thirst over.

If only I was a goddess of creation, I’d create this man with godly features, in the image of “isthanwa sami” and devote myself to loving him as I love thyself.

The “final” note!

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It wasn’t the end but only the beginning.

Her fears wrote a letter to her happiness in “final note” form and it went like:

“I want to go bungee jumping without ropes just to see how long it will take for me to reach the ground…

…or maybe cut myself real deep, just to see the amount of blood I have in me.

Might even stab my heart, I really want to see how deep the knife can go.

I want to go skydiving with no skydiving gear, I want to see how many seconds it takes for one to finally kiss the ground.

I’d overdose and start counting sheep but I’m afraid I might count to infinity and back.

Don’t tell me about pain because I believe there is no greater pain in the world than the pain I’m feeling now.

I need to escape, I need to be freed off this excruciating pain I’m feeling. I need to break free and finally taste eternal rest.

Death and fear don’t scare me no more. I’ve been afraid for too damn long and my courage says I should jump off the highest building just to really feel for the very last time.

…and I promise I’ll be smiling when I slowly burn out, I’ll make sure only my beauty is remembered.

I’m ready.”

…but now her world hadn’t been informed of such an implication. When the content had slipped off the fingers of her social networks,  they thought it was a suicidal note.

A final letter of demand from the troubled soul lurking within the ever-glowing contours of her imperfected silhouette.

Her world was wounded and scared by fears of the unknown whereabouts of her truths.

All that wasn’t really  necessary because what the world didn’t know is that it was only the end of her fears and troubles, and the beginning of success and eternal happiness.

Painfully pained

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I don’t want your sympathy, I mean it never really takes the pain away.

Don’t tell me that “everything will be ok”, because it never will be and I bet it won’t even get better.

Don’t give me your hanky, I know for a fact that it won’t help stop the tears from falling out of the bags of my eyes.

I would have gladly accepted your hug, but now I really find it useless. I don’t think it will make my heart feel any lighter or even fill the big hole that was left in it.

My soul has soaked in pain so much that my whole being is-literally of pain.

So don’t you dare tell me ukuthi “ngikhala nawe”, man I’ve lived with this pain almost all my life and trust me when I say I can feel it by myself, so I don’t need your help.
Don’t bother.

My sins have decided to play “catch-up” and catch up with me, my demons are eating at my soul, karma has decided to make like a fly and be my guest -an uninvited guest…
…and all the skeletons in my closest have decided to come out and play.

I’m in pain and this pain is internal, it is within the soul and in a way spiritual.

I doubt I’ll ever escape it.