What would you say if I came to you and asked you to consider staying in my life forever?!
Would you be interested?
What if I chose to be yours for life, promised to love you forever and swore to never dream beyond our castle?!
Would that be ok?
You taught me how to fly when I didn’t even believe in wings.
You made me realize how easy it is to stand up tall when I didn’t even think getting up was possible.
You make me believe that catching dreams with a butterfly net isn’t insane but simply fashionable.
You’re that part of me I missed all my life but I never knew I ever had.
A series of strings that has managed to keep me together.
Sthandwa sami you’re my joy, my pride and my strength.
Without you I’m a tree without brunches on which the world can’t feed.
So would you please show interest in staying in my life forever?
I mean simply allow me to name myself “YOURS” and promise to never imagine me out of your world.
Simply because, ngiyak’thanda wena Jobe wami.
“He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not
He loves me
He loves me not…”
I mean what are the odds?
See… all the scenarios I’ve made up in my head are not painful enough and he keeps eliminating and ruling them out like a game of chess.
To me it ain’t fair because I really need to be a lady about the whole situation, I want to cry about it for hours until my eyes are all bloated and I’m just unattractive to him.
Pure madness? I know.
…but now his perfect-sweet self keeps on removing bricks from my sadness wall, one by one while I on the other side keeps stacking them back up one by one.
Reality says he loves me not but my mind keeps saying he loves me.
Has my “virgin heart” really turned into stone? Is it really that hard and cold?
…because I’ve been looking for forgiveness and I just can’t find it.
All the beauty it once possessed has disappeared and darkness has chosen to find itself a home.
Once a home now an empty, old dirty castle of darkness, fear and painful memories of all the bridges I had to build just to get over the hurt that came into my heart and broke down all the strong walls I kept up.
All the walls I built with “happiness-bricks”.
You know it’s funny how I once thought hurt wasn’t tailored for me. I thought I was just too damn happy to feel an ounce of pain but hey, reality says that I’m only human and like any other human being I’m bound to get hurt and feel… feel the need to drop to my knees and weep like a widowed woman.
Weep and cry because of a broken glass-virgin heart.
I really thought hurt wasn’t tailored for me but you came into my life and made me fall in line with all the broken hearted girls. Singing songs of “why, what, how and how much?” As if the bed they lay upon has all the answers to their rhetorical questions.
I was foolish I know. Blinded by your love I know. I was blind, I know. Falling for all your stories of “make-believes” I was blind.
In happily ever afters you got me to believe.
…but now that’s an old book I’ve closed and kept down the old shed and ounces of dust have settled on it.
All that is forgotten and I’m a new person now.