…and I repeat, the silence was loud!!!
Anger was raging within me and pain was just weighing my heart down making it feel so empty, yet there I was in his arms.
In the arms of a man who once pledged to always be at my rescue and protect me from all the scars of the world, yet he’s the one who’s wounding me.
The wound is so deep it might never taste the sweetness of healing again.
My eyes were so wet and I was trying so hard to fight back the tears on some: “BlaQed come on, pull yourself together. You know you’re stronger than that, remember that BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY.”
“Big girls don’t cry” really?! Are we that naive?
Big girls are also human, they have feelings man.
…but then at that moment I felt the need to swallow a rock and waterproof my eyes. I couldn’t allow him to see that he has touched my heart, I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of getting close to breaking BlaQed.
I mean BlaQed is unbreakable, she hardly hurts, she’s strong, she’s an activist who stands for the protection of hearts-women hearts-.
So…with all that in my heart and an influx of painful events in my mind I was playing a game of picking Pokemon, choosing whether to be only human and cry or just become a mutant superhero and choose wayfarer form and not cry.
The room was filled with blindness, distrust, hurt, lies, pain, unfaithfulness and untruthfulness.
I was quiet because I knew what he didn’t know I knew, he was quiet because he was trying to understand the root of my silence.
In my mind I wanted to rewrite “Lamb to the slaughter” and just slaughter his selfish ass but in my heart I just wanted to forget it all and learn to love him again without fear nor regrets.
We were having private conversations with ourselves and the silence in that room was just too damn loud.