I think I can never be loved but lusted.
This actually became clear enough for me to see when we sat across each other on a dinner date.
See… This guy took me out with an intention to join a group of guys who once took a journey to trying their luck with me and came back with broken egos.
I don’t believe that “all men are the same” but I actually do believe that most guys are the same.
See… Like them he saw me has an object to be used and not a person to be loved but unlike them he got to sit down with me and fall in love.
… but now paranoia had me boxing him with the rest. Naming him a vulture and actually waiting for him to start with me and allow me the chance to tell him where to get off.
So… He took a deep breath and actually tried wheeling me into his heart, but now my head was too full of judgment that my ears couldn’t hear what he was saying.
Without listening to him pouring his heart out I struck on some… “Hey… Why don’t you save yourself the effort, choose “manfarer” form, ditch your cowardly ways and men up enough to be honest with me by not selling me dreams singing about love but actually tell me that you don’t love me but you lust me…because I know I can never be loved but lusted.”