Monthly Archives: December 2014

A bunch of flowers and a hand written note.

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A bunch of flowers and a hand-written note. That’s a yes-brainer really.

I mean this is me, sitting here and thinking to myself why I just can’t have all that anymore.
Is it really too much to ask for?

Just a simple hand-written note and a bunch of flowers, reminding me of how awesome and worthy I am in someone’s eyes.

It would really drive me crazy, just to have a bunch of flowers addressed to me and a hand-written note with a couple of empty gestures describing his love for me.

Yes… I’m not a fan of the whole lovey dovey enchilada but hey… I’m also allowed to get me some loving from a distance.

So now I’m on a quest…on a quest to find me a hope-full romantic who’ll be blinded enough by love to see the price that comes with sending a girl like me a bunch of flowers accompanied with a hand-written note.

Nigga could easily have me heart dropping to its knees and me diamond picking brains jumping out of place with excitement.

So…now I’ll just hope and pray that God blesses me with a hopeful romantic who’ll feel the urge to send me a bunch of flowers and a hand-written note on a regular.

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Love at first sight.

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I had never thought that one day I might be someone’s “love at first sight”.
A movie cliché thingy if you ask me.

…but then again life is simply a humongous series of clichés on its own.

So… It happened and I was someone’s “love at first sight”. It’s a bit funny how I could have never noticed it if he hadn’t actually brought it up, because I simply don’t believe in “love at first sight”.
I mean what the hell?

Coming to think of it. It actually happens a lot lately and now it has me wondering and surfing between waves of confusion, trying to figure out if it’s coincidental, insane or simply imaginative. Maybe these guys are simply toying with my thoughts in hopes of gaining an advance to my emotions.

…but then this particular guy is one of a kind. I think it’s even safe enough for me to say that… Like wine, he also gets better with time.

See..my issues with men had me hating on every ounce of who he was at first, the beauty he possesses remained unseen in my eyes and every effort he made was like adding insult to injury. Giving me an untamed urge to grab a gun and blow his head off.
I mean how dare he attempt to walk into my life and invade my space like that? suffocating me with his awesomeness and all.
I guess he was my “love at first sight” after all.

…but now my stubbornness always fails to accept and do with that fact that like any other human being I also fall in love and unlike most… When I do it becomes dangerously in love.

See… When he first saw me he knew that he had fallen in love but when I saw him I thought I had fallen in hate.

All his efforts became attempts of making me feel worthy and special but all my efforts became attempt of making him fell less important and worthless, because in my mind I could never let a man I’ve fallen in love with into my life because when he ever decides to leave the pain would be immensely unbearable.

So… He chose to let me know that he saw me once and fell for me about a million times and I just wish I could care less because in my mind “love at first sight” is insanity.

A million love letters and I’m still on my own.

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So… I sat down. Writing it over and over on a piece of paper and using capital letters in hopes that it sinks in and actually make sense.

“A MILLION LOVE LETTERS AND I’M STILL ON MY OWN!” were my exact words.

Coming to think of it. It’s an emptied bold statement that sums up my love life in simple text. A very ironic situation if you ask me and I’ve found a way to live with it.

Sometimes I even doubt that love exists. I mean even great men who’ve written about it have failed to explain what it is.
Even I who counts herself amongst the great has failed to understand it and my definitions keep contradicting themselves.

So I chose to ignore. Exclude myself from the culture of falling in love and wanting to be part of those who feel the need to belong.
…and don’t get me wrong y’all.

This isn’t because I chose to but because I have to. I mean even if love was to smack me right in between my eyes I could never notice it because for years love has knocked and I’ve failed to answer.

Some say it’s fear, some say it’s preference and I always say that it’s time and the universe working against each other and causing unpleasant frequencies encouraging me to shy away from what’s known to be “good enough” for me.

So all those love letters a.k.a proposals have been flooding in and I’m still on my own because I’ve decided to turn a blind eye and ignore.