See… I had never known it would hurt so much, because for quite some time I’ve been spitting words on some… “I can never feel what you’re feeling right now but I’m really sorry for your loss.”
As I said, I was only spitting and not feeding on those words because it never crossed my mind that one day it might be me.
…but then it happened and I lost my best friend.
25 August 2013, 18:31:13… It was on a Sunday, a very unpleasant Sunday it was. He laid there staring at me with cold eyes of mistrust and a very shallow goodbye. (My thoughts at that point)
See… Earlier that day we had been chilling at a friend’s place, still coming to terms with the loss of our friend who had passed on a month ago. I really found it hard to accept it and he kept on saying: “…but Minnie, I’m still here. Wipe your face because your tears make me feel useless.”
It really felt good knowing that he was still here but I felt the need to cry and mourn my friend’s passing. We owed it to him, I mean it was the least we could do.
…but Mpho insisted that he’s and he’ll always be there. I remember him holding my hands and saying: “Hey pretty face, look at me. I’m ‘Mpho’ your gift and I promise I’ll never leave. I promise I’ll wait for you to die and follow you. We’re going to be together forever.”
How he said it was really funny forcing giggles out of my sorrow pierced heart. Too bad he never meant any of that.
I guess it’s true that tomorrow isn’t promised and planning for it is quite absurd. (My thoughts)
See… He got admitted in hospital later that day, due to terrible headaches and was later diagnosed with meningitis.
He went from being my “best” friend to being my “threat” friend.
Wearing masks and gloves to protect ourselves from a disease that has found a home in my best friend.
I sat there besides him, hoping and praying that he gets better. Begging God to give him strength to come back to me. I couldn’t lose another friend.
I mean everyone had already given up, preparing for the worst and accepting his death but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t just allow him to go.
…but he just laid there smiling as if death felt good. Making fun of my tears, begging me to never forget him and to always remember that he loves me.
“…but then how could I ever forget him and I mean how does he say that he loves me when he fails to fight for what he loves? How could he hurt me like this? How could he promise to stay with me forever and then decide to leave with no fight?”
Those were the questions I kept asking myself but then all those questions I could never have answers to, because now my best friend is gone.
…and all I’m left with are memories and pictures.
All I’m left with is a pillow representing him. Helping me feel his presence and making sure that I never forget him.
At least that pillow has been there and will always be there, representing my ‘Mpho”.
So… For 412 days, I’ve been sleeping with my best friend.