Monthly Archives: October 2014

…because GOODBYES ARE NEVER EASY!

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Yesterday it actually made sense… I mean what they always say, that “goodbyes are never easy”.

After a week of bonding and catching up, my little sister had to go back to boarding school.
The thought was too hard to swallow and this time around it felt too painful to let her go. I mean I’ll barely survive 3 weeks without her. (My thoughts at that point.)

At that very moment all my “can’t wait for you to leave” thoughts were replaced with “can’t you stay a little longer” thoughts.

See… For years everyone around us had known that were fought like cats. Excusing it on some “bayalamana” tip.
It felt like everything she did was meant to annoy me and everything I did was meant to trigger her annoying tendencies.

A part of me used to despise a part of her and my whole being loved everything about her. I mean, after all we’re sisters and such was expected.

…but lately it feels like my whole life is now built around being more than just a sister to her but a best friend. I now anticipate her return and actually despise her leaving.

The separation did wonders to our relationship. I mean her boarding at school and me staying at home brought us closer. Daily phone calls to keep us sane, our pictures as memories to inspire smiles on our beautiful sun-baked faces and our anticipation to be together again just to keep the love going strong.

Every second I spend is priceless and saying goodbye to her hurts real bad and now it actually makes sense…

…because goodbyes are never easy and they actually do feel like they’re forever.

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For 412 days, I’ve been sleeping with my best friend.

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See… I had never known it would hurt so much, because for quite some time I’ve been spitting words on some… “I can never feel what you’re feeling right now but I’m really sorry for your loss.”
As I said, I was only spitting and not feeding on those words because it never crossed my mind that one day it might be me.

…but then it happened and I lost my best friend.

25 August 2013, 18:31:13… It was on a Sunday, a very unpleasant Sunday it was. He laid there staring at me with cold eyes of mistrust and a very shallow goodbye. (My thoughts at that point)

See… Earlier that day we had been chilling at a friend’s place, still coming to terms with the loss of our friend who had passed on a month ago. I really found it hard to accept it and he kept on saying: “…but Minnie, I’m still here. Wipe your face because your tears make me feel useless.”
It really felt good knowing that he was still here but I felt the need to cry and mourn my friend’s passing. We owed it to him, I mean it was the least we could do.

…but Mpho insisted that he’s and he’ll always be there. I remember him holding my hands and saying: “Hey pretty face, look at me. I’m ‘Mpho’ your gift and I promise I’ll never leave. I promise I’ll wait for you to die and follow you. We’re going to be together forever.”
How he said it was really funny forcing giggles out of my sorrow pierced heart. Too bad he never meant any of that.

I guess it’s true that tomorrow isn’t promised and planning for it is quite absurd. (My thoughts)

See… He got admitted in hospital later that day, due to terrible headaches and was later diagnosed with meningitis.
He went from being my “best” friend to being my “threat” friend.

Wearing masks and gloves to protect ourselves from a disease that has found a home in my best friend.

I sat there besides him, hoping and praying that he gets better. Begging God to give him strength to come back to me. I couldn’t lose another friend.
I mean everyone had already given up, preparing for the worst and accepting his death but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t just allow him to go.

…but he just laid there smiling as if death felt good. Making fun of my tears, begging me to never forget him and to always remember that he loves me.

“…but then how could I ever forget him and I mean how does he say that he loves me when he fails to fight for what he loves? How could he hurt me like this? How could he promise to stay with me forever and then decide to leave with no fight?”
Those were the questions I kept asking myself but then all those questions I could never have answers to, because now my best friend is gone.

…and all I’m left with are memories and pictures.

All I’m left with is a pillow representing him. Helping me feel his presence and making sure that I never forget him.
At least that pillow has been there and will always be there, representing my ‘Mpho”.

So… For 412 days, I’ve been sleeping with my best friend.

I also went looking for Mr Right.

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So… I went searching, looking for Mr Right but instead I found happiness.

Yes… Instead I found happiness. My BlaQed tailored happiness is what I found. With “Minx, I’m all yours” tattooed on its forehead I found it waiting for me, the princess to rescue it.

…because now it feels like my time of believing in fairy tales has arrived and this… (our fairy tale) is one with no happy ending, nor sad one because ours is one with no end.

“Meet me at the park.” he said. One crazy idea (My thoughts)! See, in my head he was testing me. He had taken over my thoughts and was now aiming at my heart. Slowly but surely he was going for it.

…but then again he only needed a few shots, because now my heart had already given in, my knees were bleakly weak and falling seemed quite easy. I couldn’t fight all the “yes, yes, yes!!!” thoughts no more and all my tickable boxes were all ticked up and now “Mr Right” was not a bold enough title for him because he was now perfect.

Oooh yes, perfect in my eyes this HAPPINESS was.

See… My mum had once told me to go looking for what makes me happy and at that moment I felt the need to let a guy in because I thought the forever searched Mr Right had happiness wrapped all around him and that he was my only shot at finding what was going to make me happy.

So… I took mum’s advise and went searching, for what makes me happy I mean my then Mr Right and found him (my happiness). See no other title could ever be bold enough to suit this man who’s only goal is to keep me happy because he knows how much I value happiness and that thoughts about guys like him are what inspire pieces like “BlaQed tailored happiness.” simply because their awesomeness could never run out.

So… I took off and went searching, looking for Mr Right but instead I found happiness!

I made my mum, my muse!

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I made my mum, my muse.

I let her inspire greatness into my droughted well of thoughts, encouraging the flow of juices into a stream of influx ideas. (My writing.)

I mean writer’s block has nothing on my Cinderella inspired piece. It was a no-brainer really.

See… Not only is she a princess in my eyes, but she’s a queen in my father’s eyes, a daughter to her elders, a mother to the world and uSes’Thembi wethu sonke because her loving accommodates all and I doubt it will ever run out.

See… This woman is a SHERO, she breathes life into dead hearts. Her thundered dimpled smile strikes lighting into heavy bearded hearts.
In my eyes a true definition of “ubuhle bendalo”. My Mama Afrika!

Gosh… Words can never explain the situation of my life when she invades my thoughts.

See… She’s like my “BlaQed” customized authenticated drug, I get high on her and I mean nobody could ever raise me to that same height.

So… I made my mum, my muse and an influx of inspired thoughts became a problem!

My Cinderella... <3

My Cinderella… ❤